Motivation and Fear

I'm feeling unmotivated today. Yesterday morning I had a conversation with Norm about the direction I'm taking with my search. I decided to try to actually apply to OSU and Montana before their deadlines at the end of January. The idea is somewhat overwhelming. I was able to do a few things yesterday but all in all didn't get much work done. Today I didn't really get any work done.

Then this afternoon I was folding clothes and I started to get anxious about the whole thing. I think that in my head I see the whole project and it looms like a mountain that I'm trying to get to the top of. Fear kicks in and I feel afraid of failing and "not being good enough." I really need to keep it focused on the intermediate steps and what I can do this week or in the next couple days, or just today. And maybe today I can't do anything, and that has to be okay sometimes.

It feels good to write that and get it out. Tomorrow is still a whole day, full of lots of time to get something done. I don't need to get into grad school by tomorrow. I just need to get some work done tomorrow; that's not terribly scary.

I'm going to listen to the "Party Rock Anthem" and finish folding my clothes. Then I'm going to get ready to have an awesome time tonight. Maybe if I get some good work done tomorrow I'll go dancing.