Motivation and Fear

I'm feeling unmotivated today. Yesterday morning I had a conversation with Norm about the direction I'm taking with my search. I decided to try to actually apply to OSU and Montana before their deadlines at the end of January. The idea is somewhat overwhelming. I was able to do a few things yesterday but all in all didn't get much work done. Today I didn't really get any work done.

Then this afternoon I was folding clothes and I started to get anxious about the whole thing. I think that in my head I see the whole project and it looms like a mountain that I'm trying to get to the top of. Fear kicks in and I feel afraid of failing and "not being good enough." I really need to keep it focused on the intermediate steps and what I can do this week or in the next couple days, or just today. And maybe today I can't do anything, and that has to be okay sometimes.

It feels good to write that and get it out. Tomorrow is still a whole day, full of lots of time to get something done. I don't need to get into grad school by tomorrow. I just need to get some work done tomorrow; that's not terribly scary.

I'm going to listen to the "Party Rock Anthem" and finish folding my clothes. Then I'm going to get ready to have an awesome time tonight. Maybe if I get some good work done tomorrow I'll go dancing.

Good work done

Today I met with Kat to talk about her path to grad school. The one thing she emphasized was how helpful it was having personal connections and relationships to people. She said that setting deadlines for herself was helpful as well. It was good talking to her and asking questions about her process. She gave me ideas for things I need to do, including writing my CV and my personal statement. I have some sense of writing a CV, but I don't quiet know where to start with writing my personal statement.

I also emailed a professor at U. Montana, Cara Nelson. Her work is interesting and exciting to me. Unfortunately her lab is not taking on new Master's students. I wrote her anyway, asking about her path in the field of ecology and about some of the work she is doing. That makes one professor I've contacted since getting back on this horse. I only need to contact one more before Jan. 15th to meet my first goal. I also tried emailing a Johnnie that I was in contact with my Junior year who is in the field of ecology. I don't know if she has the same email address but so far I haven't gotten an "undeliverable" message. I also want to contact Kristen/Clover and see what she's been up to and if she's made any progress in getting into school.

I've been at the coffee shop for a couple hours now, since I finished meeting with Kat. I feel like I've done some good work so far today. I will probably go eat and then maybe do some more work.

First Post

Well here is the first post of my blog about getting into graduate school.

My goal is to earn a Master's of Science in the field of ecology. I have mostly focused on thinking about forest ecology because that is what I have the strongest connection to, but much of the larger field of ecology is interesting to me.

I'm going to keep this one short, but my hope is that on these pages I'll be able to share my journey and give myself a bit more motivation.

Here's to dreaming.